b e t t e r
FAMILY
Parents Team U p fo r Teens
Four couples adopt the “ it takes a village” approach to
r a i s i n g a d o l e s c e n t s ,
b ys a s h a h e l p e r
a
s soon as Mike hit adoles-
cence, he began pushing
boundaries and testing
his parents. “Can I stay
out after midnight like
my friends?” “Can I go to a boy-girl
sleepover?” “Can I drive with a 17-year-
old to a rock concert an hour away?” Ruth
Shefer, his mom, wanted to do what was
best for Mike, to balance his need to assert
independence with her sense of what was
reasonable and safe. But when she
contacted the parents of the other kids
involved for advice, what she heard didn’t
match her son’s version of events.
After-midnight curfews were not the
norm; the boy-girl sleepover was news to
other parents; and 17-year-olds weren’t
chauffeuringyounger kids to rock
concerts or anywhere else.
After a long conversation with
neighbor Kathy Woodward, whose son
Danny was a good friend of Mike’s, the
two moms came up with a clever idea.
Parents’
Rules
Through the five years of
its existence, the Stealth
Parents Club developed
some essential guidelines:
A D U LTS O N LY
Parents have to share
concerns about their kids
without them listening in.
Nevertheless, teens need
to know that their
parents will be talking
about them.
C O N F ID E N T IA L IT Y
Your group won’t last
long if details of sensitive
discussions are leaked to
the kids.
C H E M IS T R Y A N D SIZ E
Clubs function optimally
with four couples. A
small group lends
intimacy and allows
sufficient time for
everyone to have their
say. The chemistry must
be right, too. The people
you choose must be
nonjudgmental and open
to parenting advice.
R E G U L A R IT Y
To stay ahead of the kids’
actions and allow parents
to get to know each
other better, monthly
meetings are ideal.
F O O D H E L P S
Ideas tend to fly quickly
over a dinner table filled
with snacks.
K E E P IN T O U C H
If issues arise between
meetings, use group
e-mails to talk to all
members at once.
2 6 6
OCTOBER 2009 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
PHOTO: VEER
